DEBATE: Custard vs. Jam Donuts

donut

Break times – those sacred twenty minutes of the day are precious for all. Samantha and CyberJelliFish give compelling accounts of why they are passionate about their preferred donut filling.

CUSTARD: Custard Rising

By Samantha Clare Goh

Work is stressful and you need a break. Looking out from the office window, a bakery catches your eye and your soul fills with fantasies of a cream donut. Dreams of the wispy icing sugar dusted across the donut, the tender doughy bread and rich custard invading your mind are proving to be a worrying distraction from the article whose deadline happens to be an hour away. The clock strikes 11.00am and you give in, violently rising from your office chair and sporting a savage fire in your eyes. Fighting an imaginary crowd that threatens your meal, it takes just a brisk walk to reach the bakery, spurred by a longing for the rich marriage of custard and bread. As the saying goes, ‘the early journalist catches the donut’, and only the fastest emerge the donut-winners. Purchasing the dessert and pausing to take a bite, the prospect of a mouthful of custard donut clouds your mind… but no! You shriek and jump back in horror as your realise what has happened. There was jam in the donut! Why was there jam in the donut?

Custard or jam? Behold the very question that’s been baffling donut enthusiasts all around the world since the beginning of time. As put simply by Judy Yu: “Custard is better than jam.” Aside from tasting like a piece of heaven compressed into the centre of a donut, custard also comes with numerous benefits. They act as antidepressants, go great with pie and even promote weight gain and obesity. Their pull is so strong that even the most resilient amongst us cannot resist: it is rumoured that the International Olympic Committee is beginning to investigate top athletes for alleged custard abuse.

Consign to oblivion the years of your life dedicated to nothing; enough thinking of all your lost lovers, forgotten friends and uncompleted prep. The overwhelming salvation of donuts is going to turn that frown upside down! “Eating custard donuts is my passion!” proclaims Tanya Chiaranussati, another avid consumer of custard.

Just looking at it can do wonders, being yellow as the sun, smooth as a quantum stabilized atom mirror and rich as Carlos Slim (he’s actually the richest man alive; everything we know about Bill Gates is a lie). Even our very own Deputy Editor of Pegasus Pages Eseosa Omorogbe agreed when asked for her stand. “Oh I love the custard ones! They’re really, really, really, really, really good!”

All evidence points to it. Step aside jam donuts, it is the dawn of a new age. It is the age of the custard donut.

JAM: It’s More than Just a Donut

By CyberJelliFish

The legendary, iconic British jam donut rests like a crown on our culinary history, a ruby in comparison with the abominations that now disgrace British supermarkets filled with a poor excuse for custard. It is therefore imperative that the Jam Donut maintains its honour and dignity in the face of such a threat to its name.

The donut originated from Germany, and spread throughout the whole of Northern Europe as a result of the First World War. The donut flourished in peacetime, and eventually, Germany perfected the original Jam Donut, known as the Berliner using a syringe to inject the jellied fruit into each cake’s heart. The cake obviously had vast significance to the Germans and the Americans as John F Kennedy chose to proclaim proudly atop the Berlin wall in one of his most monumental, important, historically revered speeches in 1963 (June 26), “Ich bin ein Berliner” literally translated as: I am a Jam Donut. That is commitment. To be a Jam Donut is to be proud. Have you ever heard someone, let alone a President of the U.S.A., proclaim they are a custard donut? No and with good reason.

After the war, donuts became popular both on British shores, and internationally, not only because of their delicious taste, but because it became symbol of peace after a time filled with violence and death.

Known to us now as the British Jam Donut, the simple cake evolved to mean much more to British society than a mere calorie fest, but a ray of light and joy burning through our recovering nation, igniting hope in every citizen’s heart.

Today, Jam Donuts have become a global delicacy, found in Israel, Russia, German, France, the U.S.A. and across the world, often under different names. They are a symbol of global harmony, prosperity, and peaceful coexistence.

Jam tastes not only of the future, but of the suffering which our ancestors endured to get us to where we are today. It is near blasphemous to insult our ancestry, our history and the significance of this traditional pastry by, not only poisoning it with cream, but daring to compare any other form of pastry dessert with the unrivalled excellence of our traditional Jam Donut.

Jam is a healthier filling than the fatty acid, cholesterol laced custard that grows like mould on the good name of donut, since it contains some element of fruit and therefore, vitamins and minerals. However slight these amounts may be, they are more than custard donuts’ sorry excuse for a filling. Jam, since it was first injected into the centre of a fried dough ball, became the beating heart behind the donut’s success and global popularity. The very soul of a donut is bright red and strawberry flavoured. In complete contrast with this is the festering, clotted imposter filling of custard ― mere proof of their internal rot and the stupidity of whoever thought cream donuts up.

Both a national and global delicacy, the Jam donut is a beacon of culinary excellence and genius, whereas the custard donut is a mere vomit coloured spot on the windscreen of pastry evolution. Both deserve to be treated as such.

Photography by certified su on Flickr (CC BY 2.0)

One Response to DEBATE: Custard vs. Jam Donuts

  1. The true test of a good donut is whether it can be eaten without licking your lips (it should not be possible!) – my vote goes for Jam every time.

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